Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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