The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
