how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im holly from the hills drunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
