And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
