Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
