it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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