can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
