Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i've created a new STD.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
