every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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