I love having hate sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
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We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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