I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
