She said her name was "party"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
