I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
