All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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