im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was born a porn star she said
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
