you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
