All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
