but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
