I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
