she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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