Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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