Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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