We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
