last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
