i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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