I heard we made out
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
