I can text with my tongue
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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