Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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