Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
