Are we in a gay sports bar?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
