booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
