Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
