How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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