Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
