im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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