I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
