why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
