I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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