he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
