if you like me you must not know who I am
She said her name was "party"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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