u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
