And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
