Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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