Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
