gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize