Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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