i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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