we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
