My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
