Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.