Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?