does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?