Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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