There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
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Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.