did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
