she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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