ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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