I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
