you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
