I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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