Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
