yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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