So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
me + whiskey = a bad person
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
