And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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