____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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