her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
