The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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