i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
