sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
