You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
