you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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