bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
