i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
