after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
