mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
