Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
