im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
