it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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