Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
